So About Halloween....

As we all learned from Mean Girls some five years ago when Lindsay Lohan was still a red, enjoyed penis and was off cocaine (questionable)… "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."   Every Halloween you can count on at least half the girls you know to wear some sort of trashy lingerie and put on a pair of ears and call themselves an (insert: cat, mouse, cheetah, fairy… etc. here).  But as I was talking to my best friend last week, he put it beautifully for me… “Al, you’re twenty years old, pretty, and have a boyfriend… so you don’t necessarily have to be the slutiest girl at the party.” THANK YOU! It was getting exhausting thinking about which fleshy area I could show off to top the ho next to me.  The only thing that I hate more than watching girls run around naked (don’t feel bad if you were one of these girls in the past, I’m totally guilty of this too…  but if you plan on continuing this tradition into the future, then feel bad) is showing up in the same costume as someone else.  AND THAT’S WHY the past few years I have tapped into my creative side and started making my own costumes! (thank god for the ridiculous clothing that American Apparel and Spencers manufacture) This year, American Apparel has come out with this super cool section of their website with all different ideas of how to make your own costume with their merchandise and I absolutely love it… here are some of my favs.

The Cupcake

How cute is she! I mean, not her face, but the tutus and the little bow as the icing on top! ugh, all she needs is to set her hair on fire and she could be a birthday cake! See, this costume is versatile too, I just turned the cupcake into a birthday cake, ugh the ideas are just flowing out of me.  The only issue I have with this costume, well not so much with the costume but the company, is that the damn tutus are $70 each... she has like 5 on, so you do the math.

Grapes

I find this to be absolutely hilarious! Look at her ugly little head peaking through the balloons HAH! But seriously, now THIS is creative.  I mean I can't really give American Apparel that much credit for this costume cos they really only contributed the purple tights and scrunchy- but this is damn clever, so good work AA.

Now the next one I do not want any of you to think American Apparel came up with, because they DID NOT, I DID, and plan on wearing one of the 4 nights that I have to dress up for this holiday that lands on a damn Sunday this year...

yeah, A ZEBRA... how many zebras have you seen on Halloween? I know, not many. I'm really looking forward to this one... the cool eye makeup, the slicked back hair spray painted black and white (God, I hope I won't end up looking like Cruella Deville, I LOVE puppies!) and it's still super tight so I can still look a little sexy, right?

I can only hope that after reading this no one steals my idea- because it is really really great, just like all of my other ideas, just kidding... but really, have a safe and happy Halloween and if you see another girl in your costume, DO NOT hesitate to pretend to be way too drunk for your own good and figure out a way to ruin her costume, then apologize, then laugh when she has to go home to change.

I Hate You... But I Like Your Dress

I honestly did like Emma Stone when she was first featured in Superbad, and was really pulling for her career (the same way I was pulling for Jonah Hills weight loss, but that didn't happen either).  Then I saw Emma in Zombieland, which is arguabley one of the GREATEST MOVIES OF OUR TIME!! But even in Zombieland she started to annoy me a bit... but I will say, she looked kinda hot (but she's no Woody Harrelson, OOOH NO!)  So these past two movies are what led me to the theater two weeks ago to see Easy-A... Oy, and what a mistake that was.  SHE SUCKED! The movie sucked, the cast sucked, the plot sucked, the acting sucked, the wardrobe sucked, but most of all, she really fucking sucked!  UGH Emma was annoying, most certainly NOT FUNNY, and looked totally awkward and lanky.  So now, I hate her.  Yup, that's all there is to it.  But then Emma showed up on the red carpet at an event for Easy-A wearing this......

It made me realize that hate is a really strong word and I started to like her more (a LITTLE bit more).  It takes a real skinny bitch to pull off a Pucci dress like this, and she did.  Now I can only hope she doesn't make another movie like that to keep us on this righteous path.  Although I am still pissed I'll never get my $6 back (it was bargain Tuesday)..

Life Ruiner...

Ugh Chloe Sevigny I need you to stop sucking! You think you're all fashion forward, but really, you just suck.

Seriously, you're making my favorite pair of Chie Mihara shoes be completely overlooked because of that ugly effing count dracula cape thing you're wearing.  I am quite convinced that you DO NOT own a mirror... the amount of times that you leave your home looking like a damn fool is beyond me.  You have a hit television show on HBO, in which you dress like a farmer and are involved in that weird mormon polygyny shit- so one would think you would be fed up with dressing like a humpty dumpty idiot after a long day of shooting, but ohhh no, not you miss Sevigny, you decide to carry this nonsense over into the real world for ALL, not just the viewers of BIG LOVE, to witness in fear.  So this is my plea to you, Chloe, please purchase a mirror, or stay at home.

Real Housewives of.... where?

When Bravo announced that they would be doing a new season in a new city... I thought GREAT! I'm soo happy I don't have to listen to housewives of ATL talk about their upcoming single coming out, watch Jill Zarin cry about how Bethanny hates her now because she's a bitch (however being from NY I am a little bias and that still is my favorite season to watch), watch Teresa spend thousands of dollas on leopard print jackets or listen to their annoying ass New Jersey accents ("I'm from Patterson baaabbaaayy"), or watch reruns of that crazy bitch Lynn from the real housewives of OC have ONE MORE panic attack. So, naturally when Bravo decided to introduce a new cast residing in Beverly Hills I was penciling in my notepad the date and time of airing and was so excited what these ladies would bring to the table with their clothing... They have money, plenty sources of GREAT fashion boutiques, and class (QUESTIONABLE). And then they showed up to their premiere party wearing..............

Where to begin...... First off, I didn't know that the world produced this much plastic to attach to actual human beings bodies, but then again, these are not real people.  I'm quite convinced that they are robots of sorts, customized mail order brides made in China.  If you have money, and can afford a lifestyle of which Beverly Hills offers, why, WHY IN GODS NAME would you purchase any of this?  Ok, the black lacy top that yes I own, to sleep in, paired with the gold satin skirt, REALLY?  She looks like a high class hooker, I'm sorry let me rephrase that, she just looks like a hooker, a cheap hooker.  I am quite convinced that the woman in the metallic gold potato sack missing one of its handles misunderstood the meaning of the term "trophy wife" and has actually attempted to look like trophy.

These women have worn me out, it's official... I'm out of juice, just like they are, sorry to out you but you have all clearly gone through menopause and it's about time that they start acting/looking/dressing like their given age. Oh, and now not only am I left with nothing to say, which is quite possibly the first time this has ever happened to me, but now I'm pissed too because I just publicly humiliated myself with my knowledge of Bravo Housewives... 

Note to self: must get out more.

It's like a puzzle....

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been busy... Drinking.  This weekend was quite wild- big birthday celebrations, so obviously I had to look my best and put my styling sense to work!  Unfortunately on Thursday night I found myself still seriously hungover- so I locked myself in my room watching hours upon hours of the real housewives of... (insert whatever city Bravo wants to ruin next).  But then Friday finally arrived and I was feeling good as new!  I took a little drive to Urban Outfitters to pick up a birthday gift for my darling best friend (oh, did I mention that it wasn't my birthday?) and ended up coming home with a little something for myself too!!

This Silence & Noise silk draped front cami definitely made some noise on friday night.. or maybe that was just the liquor talking, i don't remember.  For $54 I understand it's a little pricey, but it looks expensive and is beautiful on (looks better on me than the model, just sayin')..

I paired this gloriousbeautifulSHAMWOW top with this.......

Ugh, isn't it just beautiful! It reminds me of ripe grapes, although a bit off color (instead of a plump purple these are a ravishing shade of light pinkish/purple/taupe) hanging from a think gold chain instead of a tree branch, but whatever- I am now obsessed with them. OHANDBYTHEWAY I got them on sale for $10, jealous? yeah, I know, I would be too.

To top it off I threw on a pair of taupe twill J Brand jeans... I don't even think they qualify as jeans but I'm not sure what else to call them, other than GREAT.  They fit literally "like a glove" and make ya ass look fat- something that I personally have never been told, except for when I wear these pants, and I'm not gonna lie... I kinda like it!

Right before I ran out the door it started to rain, literally on my parade, so I grabbed a black sweater and stole this adorable pair of tan boots from my life saver of a roommate and my outfit was complete!

Now I want you to think of this post as a puzzle.. Put the pieces together and then marvel at the masterpiece in front of you!